Florida Invalid Plots Criminal Scheme in Broad Daylight

Trump's Masterclass in Constitutional Contempt

In a stunning display of legal acrobatics that would make even the most seasoned circus performers blush, President-elect Donald Trump has once again proven that when it comes to flouting the law, he's in a league of his own.

As the nation watches in a mixture of horror and morbid fascination, Trump is plotting to circumvent a bipartisan law aimed at banning TikTok, showcasing a blatant disregard for legal processes that would make a mockery of the very Constitution he is supposed to uphold.

The saga began when Congress, in a rare moment of bipartisan agreement (you know it's serious when Democrats and Republicans agree on something other than their mutual disdain for healthy eating), passed a law requiring TikTok's Chinese parent company, ByteDance, to sell the app by January 19, 2025, or face a nationwide ban.

But fear not, dear citizens, for our knight in shining spray tan has galloped in on his golf cart to save the day!

The "Master Dealmaker" at Work

Trump, ever the "master dealmaker" (a title he's awarded himself more times than he's had hamberders), has concocted a plan so audacious, so legally dubious, that it's left constitutional scholars scratching their heads and reaching for the nearest bottle of aspirin.

His grand scheme?

To issue an executive order suspending the enforcement of the TikTok ban law for 60 to 90 days.

Because nothing says "respect for the rule of law" quite like telling Congress, "Thanks for the suggestion, but I'll take it from here."

Why, you might ask, is Trump so invested in saving an app he once sought to ban? Is it a sudden change of heart? A newfound appreciation for Chinese technology? Perhaps a secret addiction to dance challenges?

Nay, dear reader, the answer is far more narcissistic. It turns out that TikTok is a platform where Trump boasts a following of 14 million users.

One can almost hear the gears turning in his head: "TikTok likes me, TikTok needs me, TikTok will help me reach those pesky young voters who insist on fact-checking my claims."

The Machiavellian Maneuver

In a move that would make Machiavelli proud, Trump's allies are framing this blatant power grab as an opportunity to undermine Biden's regulatory legacy and portray Democrats as the "party of bans.”

Because nothing says "freedom" quite like ignoring a law passed with bipartisan support, right?

The legal experts, those pesky individuals who insist on things like "constitutionality" and "separation of powers," argue that an executive order cannot override a law passed by Congress.

But since when has a little thing like "the law" ever stopped Trump? After all, this is the man who once suggested we could stop hurricanes with nuclear weapons. Clearly, conventional wisdom is not his strong suit.

The Farcical Alternatives

As if this weren't farcical enough, Trump's allies have floated other options that read like rejected plots from a political satire. How about directing the attorney general not to enforce the law? Or perhaps negotiating a partial sale of TikTok's U.S. operations? One can almost imagine Trump in a smoke-filled room, channeling his inner mob boss: "Nice little app you got there. Be a shame if something happened to it. How about you sell me a piece, and I'll make sure it stays... operational."But wait, there's more! In a twist that would make even the most seasoned soap opera writers jealous, some of Trump's allies have suggested reviving "Project Texas," a $1.5 billion corporate-reform package that would give the U.S. government oversight of TikTok's operations. Because if there's one thing we've learned from history, it's that government oversight of media platforms always ends well, right?

The Looming Deadline

As the January 19 deadline looms, the uncertainty within TikTok's U.S. headquarters is palpable. One can almost hear the frantic tapping of perfectly manicured nails on smartphones as TikTok employees wonder if their next viral dance will be the unemployment shuffle.

The Grand Finale

In the grand theater of American politics, where the absurd has become the norm, Trump's TikTok crusade stands out as a particularly surreal act. It's a tale of ego, power, and the kind of legal gymnastics that would make even the most flexible contortionist wince. As we watch this drama unfold, one can't help but wonder: Is this the death knell of American democracy, or just another episode in the long-running reality show that our political system has become?

One thing's for certain: As Trump tangos with TikTok, the only thing being truly banned is our collective sense of sanity. Stay tuned, America. The next act in this political circus is sure to be even more outrageous than the last. After all, in Trump's America, the show must go on... and on... and on...

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Stay strong,
samuel