Newsom Strikes Again: Turns Trump Buffoonery Into Comedy Gold
The Leaning Tower of Trump
The Propaganda of “Perfect” Health
The political theater of 2025 reached a new level of absurdity. On December 1, the White House attempted to quell persistent rumors about Donald Trump’s physical condition by releasing a memorandum from the White House physician.
Captain Sean P. Barbabella signed the document which was intended to project strength and vitality. It described the 79-year-old’s cardiovascular system as “perfectly normal” and his overall health as “excellent.”
Medical professionals rarely use such absolute terms. The memo claimed Trump’s vessel walls appeared “smooth and healthy” and that there were no signs of inflammation. Skeptics noted that the language sounded more like a press release than a clinical evaluation.
Newsom saw the opening immediately and released a counter-memo six hours after the White House post. It didn’t just mock Trump. The document obliterated the entire premise of his “perfect” health.
Enter Dr. Dolittle and the Shimmering Arteries
The response from the Governor’s office was a masterclass in satirical mimicry. A fictional “California Department of Peak Excellence” issued the memo which was signed by “Dr. Dolittle.” The document perfectly mirrored the formatting of the White House letter but the content was pure comedy.
Trump’s doctor claimed his vessels were “smooth.” Newsom’s “doctor” claimed the Governor’s arteries were “shimmering.” The fanciful assertion highlighted the ridiculousness of the original claim by taking it to its logical and supernatural extreme.
Dr. Dolittle’s assessment went further. It described Newsom’s bone density as so exceptional that a radiologist briefly wondered if they had “scanned a redwood.”
It claimed his resting heart rate was so steady that the EKG machine asked if he was “meditating or just naturally enlightened.” This wasn’t just a joke about health. It was a joke about the cult of personality that Trump demands from his subordinates.
Newsom exposed the White House physician’s letter for what it really was - a dictated press release disguised as a medical record.
Hitting Trump Where It Hurts
Comedy quickly turned into a surgical strike on Trump’s deepest insecurities. The memo pivoted from praising Newsom to a direct comparison with the diapered Don.
It noted that the Governor is able to “stand upright without looking like the leaning Tower of Pisa.” This was a brutal reference to the President’s heavily scrutinized forward-leaning posture. Every voter could instantly picture the visual insult.
Newsom’s team also resurrected the ghost of “Executive Time.” This term was coined during Trump’s first term to describe his unstructured TV-watching hours. The memo boasted that Newsom “completes full workdays without falling asleep in meetings” and does not require time to “lie down and watch TV during work hours.”
This framing attacks Trump’s stamina. It flips the “low energy” script that Trump has used so effectively against his opponents for a decade.
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A Profitable Pattern of Disrespect
This latest stunt fits a lucrative pattern for the California Governor. Newsom launched a similar offensive against South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem earlier this year. He dubbed her “Kosplay Kristi” and mocked her various political stumbles.
These campaigns are not just for engagement. A single week of this trolling strategy generated over $6.2 million in fundraising. Financial success proves that the Democratic base is starving for a fighter. Liberals have watched their leaders respond to insults with policy papers for years.
Newsom has realized that ridicule is a currency in the attention economy. He is validating the anger and exhaustion of millions of Americans who are tired of being gaslit about Trump’s “perfect” conduct and health.
He turns every retweet into a campaign contribution by monetizing the mockery. It is a self-sustaining cycle of outrage and revenue.
The New Rules of Engagement
Democratic strategists have long debated whether to go high when opponents go low. Newsom has decided to go funny.
The “Dr. Dolittle” memo suggests that the era of the polite press release is over. Opposition politics now looks less like a debate and more like a roast.
Newsom is signaling that he is willing to get into the mud. He just prefers to wear a designer suit while he does it. This shift matters for 2028. Newsom will not be running on a platform of civility if he decides to seek the Democratic nomination.
He will be running as the candidate who can bully the bully. He is positioning himself as the “shimmering” and redwood-spined alternative to a “leaning” geriatric presidency.
It is a high-risk strategy that could alienate moderate voters who dislike the circus. But it is making Gavin Newsom the most interesting man in the Democratic Party for now.
Newsom’s Full Memo
❤️❤️❤️❤️ Keep going, Governor Newsom. Keep whipping the orange asshole.
little ERIC STONER likes pedophiles, traitors, sex abusers, felons, p&ssy grabbers, liars and idiots with no brains (senile). You are morally bankrupt and not too bright little boy. Go kiss your traitors fat orange azz some more.