RFK Jr.'s Magical Snake Oil Tour
An Infectious Disease and Tooth Decay Extravaganza!
Ladies and gentlemen, step right up! The circus is coming to town, and it's bringing a whole new level of entertainment to the Department of Health and Human Services.
Prepare yourselves for the most spectacular show on Earth: Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s Promotional Tour of Infectious Diseases and Tooth Decay!
The Man, The Myth, The Legend
Our esteemed ringmaster, RFK Jr., comes from a long line of political royalty. But forget about those boring old Kennedy legacies of civil rights and social justice.
No, no! Our man RFK Jr. has set his sights on a far more noble cause: bringing back the good old days when measles parties were all the rage and tooth decay was just nature's way of telling you to smile less.
The Main Attractions
Ready to be amazed?
Here’s just a taste of the jaw-dropping feats RFK Jr. is bringing to the table. Who needs science or public health expertise when you’ve got charisma and a flair for rewriting reality?
The Vaccine Vanishing Act
Watch in amazement as RFK Jr. makes decades of scientific research disappear before your very eyes! With nothing but the power of his mind (and a hefty dose of misinformation), he'll convince you that vaccines are the root of all evil.
Autism, chronic diseases, maybe even that stubborn stain on your favorite shirt – all caused by vaccines!
But wait, there's more!
For his next trick, he'll attempt the impossible: bringing back diseases we thought were long gone.
Measles, mumps, whooping cough – they're not extinct; they're just shy! And RFK Jr. is here to coax them out of hiding.
The Fluoride Follies
Hold onto your teeth, folks, because the fun doesn't stop there! Watch as our fearless leader takes on the nefarious plot to... improve dental health?
That's right, RFK Jr. is here to save us from the terrifying specter ofchecks notesfewer cavities.
Forget what so-called "experts" at the CDC say about fluoride being one of the greatest public health achievements of the 20th century.
RFK Jr. knows the truth: it's all a conspiracy by Big Dental to rob us of our God-given right to tooth decay!
The Supporting Cast
No show is complete without a supporting cast, and boy, does RFK Jr. have some doozies!
Marvel at the "Yes Men" of the Senate, ready to rubber-stamp this circus act into the highest echelons of public health policy.
Gasp at the sight of actual medical professionals tearing their hair out in frustration as years of scientific consensus are thrown out the window.
And let's not forget the star of our show: none other than the Ringmaster-in-Chief himself, Donald Trump!
Watch in awe as he gives RFK Jr. free rein to "go wild" with public health policy. Because if there's one thing a pandemic has taught us, it's that what we really need is less science and more wild speculation.
The Grand Finale
For the grand finale, witness the spectacular transformation of the Department of Health and Human Services into a three-ring circus of pseudoscience and conspiracy theories.
Marvel as evidence-based policies vanish into thin air, replaced by gut feelings and YouTube videos.
But the real magic?
Watch as public trust in health institutions disappears faster than you can say "snake oil."
It's not just a show, folks – it's a revolution in public health! Who needs herd immunity when you can have a herd mentality?
Book Your Tickets Now!
Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see public health policy set back by decades! Bring the kids, bring grandma, and bring your favorite infectious disease. Everyone's welcome at RFK Jr.'s Infectious Diseases and Tooth Decay Extravaganza!
Remember, in this brave new world, every day is opposite day.
Vaccines are scary, fluoride is the enemy, and the best way to stay healthy is to ignore everything we've learned about medicine in the last century.
So come on down to the Department of Health and Human Services – where fantasy trumps fact, and the only thing they're promoting is chaos!
Disclaimer: Side effects of attending this tour may include face-palming, head-desking, and an irresistible urge to scream into the void. The surgeon general warns that exposure to this level of absurdity may be hazardous to your mental health. Proceed at your own risk.
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