The MAGA-Proof Holiday Survival Guide
10 Strategies to Keep Your Sanity (and Your Liberal Card)
Ah, the holidays! It is that delightful time of year when families gather to share love, laughter, and heated debates about why the country seems to be spiraling into chaos.
If you're a card-carrying liberal bracing yourself for the annual pilgrimage to the land of MAGA relatives, fear not!
This guide is your secret weapon to navigate the treacherous waters of political discourse with humor and sass.
With these 10 fool-proof strategies, you'll be equipped to survive the dinner table minefield without needing a stiff drink or a permanent vacation to a liberal safe haven.
1. The "Project 2025" Drinking Game
Every time a relative mentions Trump's grand plan to reshape America, take a sip of your drink. By the time they get to the part about mass deportations, you'll be too numb to care.
Warning: May result in liver failure before the turkey is carved.
2. The "Inflation Buster" Buffet Challenge
Propose a family competition to see who can fill their plate with the most food for under $5. Bonus points for anyone who can explain how Trump's tariffs will magically lower prices.
The winner gets bragging rights—and a chance to remind everyone that the only thing inflating faster than food prices is the hot air coming from Uncle Bob!
3. The Supreme Court Jenga
Set up a Jenga tower with each block representing a different Supreme Court decision. Take turns removing blocks while explaining how you'd overturn that ruling.
Watch as your uncle tries to pull out Roe v. Wade without toppling the entire legal system.
4. The "Build That Wall" of Silence
Create a literal wall of mashed potatoes on your plate to keep your turkey and stuffing apart. When anyone asks about it, insist that it’s a highly effective barrier against unwanted political discussions.
For added flair, declare that the cranberry sauce is providing funding for the project.
When they inevitably question your culinary politics, just shrug and say, "Hey, at least my wall is edible!"
5. The "Fake News" Family Feud
Kick off a game of Family Feud with a twist: instead of traditional questions, create categories like “Most Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories” or “Outrageous Headlines from 2024.”
Invite your relatives to guess the “top answers” and watch the hilarity ensue as they try to defend their favorite wild claims.
Just remember, no matter how absurd the answers get, you must maintain a straight face—because in this game, the truth is the first casualty!
6. The Climate Change Denial Snowglobe
Present your climate-denying relatives with a custom snow globe featuring a tiny Mar-a-Lago. As the water level rises with each shake, insist it's just a liberal hoax.
Bonus: It doubles as a paperweight for all those clean coal brochures.
7. The "Rigged Election" Monopoly
Suggest a family game of Monopoly, but insist on being the banker. Whenever you're losing, declare the game rigged and demand a recount.
If anyone objects, accuse them of being part of the "Deep Board Game State."
8. The Healthcare Reform Charades
Play a round of charades where everyone has to act out their ideal healthcare system.
Watch as your libertarian cousin tries to mime "invisible hand of the free market" while you perform an interpretive dance of "Medicare for All."
9. The Foreign Policy Whack-a-Mole
Set up a geopolitical Whack-a-Mole game where global conflicts pop up randomly.
Challenge your hawkish relatives to solve each crisis within 24 hours using only strongly worded tweets and questionable trade deals.
10. The Social Security Piñata
Hang a piñata shaped like a Social Security card and let your relatives take swings at it. Fill it with Monopoly money and IOUs.
Whoever collects the most fake cash gets to explain how they'll fund their retirement without government assistance.
As you gear up for this holiday season, remember that laughter is your best defense against political tension.
With these 10 fool-proof strategies, you’ll be ready to tackle any MAGA commentary with snark and humor.
So, don your favorite "I'm just here for the food" sweater, and let the festivities begin—may your wine glass always be full and your patience never run dry!
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