Trump Getting Pummeled by His Own Playbook
The Self-Own Playbook, Page 404
Donald Trump — the self-proclaimed “stable genius” of litigation — just scored a historic legal own-goal so spectacular it belongs in the Guinness Book of World Failures.
The man who once bragged he could “stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody” without losing voters is now getting outmaneuvered by his own recycled legal gibberish.
The Irony Is So Thick You Could Build a Border Wall With It
The Pulitzer Board, tired of Trump’s decade-long tantrum over their 2018 journalism awards, just slapped him with the ultimate humiliation: his own arguments.
In a Chef’s Kiss legal filing, they quoted Trump’s team verbatim, arguing that state courts can’t possibly handle lawsuits against a sitting president without causing “constitutional conflicts” and “disrupt[ing] and impair[ing]” his presidential duties.
Who said that? Trump’s lawyers, of course — in 2017 (Summer Zervos case), in 2024 (Delaware investors’ suit), and approximately every time he’s faced consequences since 2016.
The Pulitzer lawyers gleefully regurgitated Trump’s words back at him, declaring: “Defendants agree!” with his assertion that presidents shouldn’t be bothered by pesky lawsuits. Translation: “Stay mad, bro — you built this trap yourself.”
A Pattern of Legal Self-Immolation
This isn’t just a fluke — it’s Trump’s signature move. Remember when he:
Settled a $15M lawsuit against ABC News because George Stephanopoulos dared to call him a rapist (correction: “liable for sexual abuse”)?
Got sued by the Central Park Five for insisting they’re “killers” during a presidential debate? (His defense: “It’s mostly true!”)
Filed defamation suits against The Des Moines Register, CBS, and anyone else who looked at him sideways?
Trump’s legal strategy boils down to “Sue everyone, then cry ‘Witch Hunt!’ when they fight back.” But now, the Pulitzer Board is weaponizing his favorite delay tactic: “State courts can’t touch me!”
The hypocrisy is blinding — unless you’re one of his loyal donors bankrolling this circus with $50-a-pop “Save America” contributions.
The Stupidest Timeline
Let’s not overlook the sheer absurdity of why Trump is suing. He’s furious the Pulitzer Board refused to rescind prizes awarded to the New York Times and Washington Post for reporting on Russia’s 2016 election interference.
Never mind that Robert Mueller’s report didn’t exonerate him, or that Trump’s own Justice Department confirmed Russia’s meddling.
To quote the board’s 2022 statement — which Trump claims defamed him — there’s still “no passages or headlines, contentions or assertions in any of the winning submissions [that] were discredited.”
Yet here we are. Trump, the guy who’s spent years howling about “fake news,” is now demanding journalists hand back awards because… checks notes… facts hurt his feelings.
Even funnier? He sued the board in Florida because he lives there and “the relevant information was available in Florida” (read: his Mar-a-Lago TV was tuned to Fox News).
The Snack-Sized Takeaway
Trump’s legal crusade is like watching a toddler sue his stuffed animals for not clapping hard enough.
The man who weaponized lawsuits to dodge accountability is now getting pummeled by his own playbook.
And while his lawyers scurry to explain why this lawsuit is Different™, the rest of America is left wondering: How many times can one man lose to himself before it’s officially a disability?
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samuel
About Time!