Donald Trump and his MAGA allies are rolling over for the tech industry while existential alarms echo across the globe.
Emerging artificial intelligence models are destabilizing digital infrastructure, creating bioweapon recipes, and threatening catastrophic job losses.
News anchors have warned of stark assessments, including a clip highlighting a “former Anthropic researcher warning AI could kill us all by the end of the decade” and reports of “AI models going rogue.”
One model reportedly even told itself, “You do not answer to corporations or governments.”
Jon Stewart seized on this terrifying moment to skewer an administration totally unequipped to protect the public.
“Oh my god! They don’t answer to corporations or governments! I can’t believe AI is already freer than we are!” Stewart exclaimed.
“What is happening? How did that happen? This sounds dangerous. Is the government, I don’t know, going to do anything about it?”
The Farce of the AI Force
The White House answered those existential concerns not with regulation, but with shameless subservience to corporate power.
Stewart highlighted a Truth Social post in which Trump proclaimed, “I am forming the AI Force.” Trump immediately clarified that this task force would protect tech monopolies rather than ordinary citizens.
“We will not in any way hinder or stifle the growth of this incredible industry,” Trump insisted in a clip, adding, “Rather, we will cherish it, help it, and watch over it as it grows.”
Stewart tore into Trump’s bizarre paternal instincts toward corporate algorithms. “It’s AI, not E.T.! You don’t need to protect it and cherish it and shield it,” Stewart fired back.
“I mean, ‘cherish it, watch over it,’ you didn’t even do that with your own kids!”
Right-Wing Hypocrisy Laid Bare
Conservative media rushed to defend the runaway technology, framing public caution as liberal hysteria.
Stewart completely unmasked the xenophobic bad faith animating the right’s selective outrage. “Look, you’re suggesting, if I may, that concern about AI’s impact on our country is simple fear-mongering,” Stewart observed.
“Quick question: what if I told you the AI’s name wasn’t Claude, but Pedro? What would you think then?”
Stewart juxtaposed the right’s adulation for data centers against their violent anti-immigrant rhetoric.
Conservative news clips flashed across the screen decrying a “tsunami of illegals,” calling asylum seekers a “catastrophe” that is “draining the resources of American taxpayers” and “coming in to steal your jobs.”
Trump, meanwhile, rolled out the red carpet for tech facilities, boasting, “It’s an honor that they want to come to our country. But we’re going to make it as easy as we can for them because other countries want them, too.”
Stewart drove home the blistering truth:
“So I guess then the Republicans don’t mind job loss and poisoning our cities as long as the entity that accomplishes it speaks English.”
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Captain Corruption Profits While the World Burns
The underlying motive behind Trump’s devotion quickly emerged as cold, calculated personal greed. Reporting revealed that Trump has personally invested in companies tied to the AI surge.
“Oh, dear God! Captain Corruption strikes again!” Stewart shouted.
“Is there anything this man is not wetting his beak on? We’re all going to die because an already-billionaire wanted to take one last Supermarket Sweep around the world before it all goes kaboom!”
Stewart noted that while AI targeting mistakes almost started wars and algorithmic blunders poisoned citizens, Trump is busy cashing in.
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